I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
