Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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