This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
