i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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