i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
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have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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