i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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