You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
