woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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