Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
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I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
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you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
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