Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
