Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
That's when you crack a 10am beer
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
