Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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