I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
