She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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