Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
