i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
