I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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