My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
