new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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