I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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