respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
