My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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