Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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