at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
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I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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