Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
i think my cat just said my name.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
