i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
