I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just cut my nipple shaving
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
