Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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