Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
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There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
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Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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