Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
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I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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