just tell him i said nine months
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
