got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
No subtext here. People are naked.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
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She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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