Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
