The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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