your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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