Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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