i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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