I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize