well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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