Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
