Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
