I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
