I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The Olympian is in my bed
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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