Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My vagina is officially offended.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
