billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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