Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
