come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize