yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
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I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
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Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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