Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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