The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
