And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize