Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
