I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
