I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
