Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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